December 9, 2009
December 9, 2009. One year without our our sweet Matthew. I am really not sure how we did it. I guess we made it only because we had to. We love him, miss him, and think about him constantly. The loss of someone so young, so wonderful and dear is still so painful it can take my breath away. As we were approaching this mark with dread, we thought about what we would like to do on the anniversary of his death and decided doing things Matthew loved would be the best way to get through the day. We each made a list, and there were a number of similarities: play Wii, read books, eat hot dogs and Lays potato chips, drink root beer, play football, go to Matthew's bench and the Washburn Library, look at photos and videos, read his notebooks of lists and stories. One item we all had was something that Matthew never did: sleep late!
Below are some pictures from our trip to Matthew's bench after the first real snow of the year. It was uncanny how it waited to snow until late in the afternoon of December 8. The sunny, warm Minnesota November this year helped forestall the dread of the approaching December date of his death. So when it did finally snow, it reminded us of his last few days here in 2008 when it was beautiful and snowy... Matthew and I had sung "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" as it snowed on us in the Y parking lot after swim team practice on the Friday before he died. On the Sunday before he died, he talked the neighbors into taking him and Nathan along on their sledding trip. And on the Monday when he was sick, he liked to sit on the porch in his snow gear and breath the cold air while Nathan played in the snow; that afternoon Nathan was upset and lonely because he wanted Matthew to play with him in the snow and Matthew couldn't because of his cold. Little did we know...
At the bench on 12/9/2009, Nathan wrote his brother's name in the snow:
We also played football there, and Nathan left a football imprint in the snow:
His plaque:
The bench in the beautiful snow...others had been there, too, and left footprints and other gifts:
Someone had strung origami peace cranes together and put them in tree branches over the bench:
Another friend had left a wreath on the bench:
Later that night, as we waited for the pizza delivery of Matthew's favorite Lake Harriet Pizza (1/2 pepperoni 1/2 sausage), candles began appearing on our front walk. Just as when the appeared on December 9, 2008, they reminded us that we were not alone in grieving the loss of our boy and we have the love and support of our family and friends.
Thank you all for your support, notes, chicken soup, memories and hugs.
